


It's Quiet Upstate

by Olivia_Ivy



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Gen, Iron Dad, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Superfamily, Whump, and tissues, i'm so not okay, let them be happy marvel, like at all, poor poor superdads, send help, spider son, steve and tony are married and peter is their son, why is that so hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2019-05-13 03:20:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14741054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Olivia_Ivy/pseuds/Olivia_Ivy
Summary: "...if you're a wife, and you lose your partner, you're a widow. If you're a child, and you lose your parents, you're an orphan. But what are you called when you're a parent who lost a child?"





	It's Quiet Upstate

**Author's Note:**

> *INHUMAN SCREECHING NOISES* *THROWS THIS SADNESS AT YOU*
> 
> ENJOY

It's early. Much too early. Steve has been waking up before dawn every day since _it_ happened. He can't help it - he can't sleep. He closes his eyes and all he sees is dust drifting away from him. Sam. Wanda. T'Challa. Bucky. Even that tree thing. Everything just blowing away from him. 

But that's nothing compared to Tony. 

When Steve heard that Tony was in space, he almost had a panic attack on principle. It'd been months since Tony had thought about the attack on New York, but Steve thought that being thrown out of the atmosphere on a hostile alien's ship would have definitely sent him into a tailspin. However, Steve forgot to account for something - Tony's Papa Bear Override function. 

Now, Steve barely lifts a corner of his mouth, a mockery of a smile more than anything, as he thinks about his husband. 

Tony named it himself, and though he got ribbed by Rhodey and the other Avengers, he's always taken it in stride, wore it as a badge of pride, right next to a spit-up stain and a baby carrier. 

It's when Tony pushes aside everything to help their son. He could be in the middle of a life-or-death fight, and would still carry a conversation with their child on the phone. His legs could be broken, and he'd walk to New York if he had to just to kiss his boo-boo. It was cute and adorable and inarguably Steve's favorite thing about the twenty-first century - that he could have a kid so doted on by his husband - hell, that he could _have_ a husband. 

He had thought he was so lucky. So blessed ~~what god would let this happen?~~. 

~~After the dust settled~~ After things calmed down, Steve barely got an account of what happened from Tony. He was hysteric, panicking, sobbing, clinging to Steve like he was all he had left ~~because he is; they both are now~~. 

Steve barely heard one intelligible word come from his husband's lips, but it was enough to make Steve's legs give out and collapse right next to him. 

_"Peter..."_

The blue girl who flew the ship told the raccoon that all his friends were gone, along with a wizard, and a spider-boy who _wasn't supposed to be there he was supposed to be safe oh god no **please not him**_. 

It's been days since then. Every breath that Steve takes that Peter can't feels like being in the ice again. Cold, permanently on pause while the world goes on, but _he can't move_ and this time he knows what's going on and he needs to be some semblance of functioning, but _how can he? How can anyone?_ Thanos wiped out half of all life and all of the light in Steve's with one snap of his fingers. 

He can't sleep. He wakes up before dawn, and he watches Tony. He wonders - if you're a wife, and you lose your partner, you're a widow. If you're a child, and you lose your parents, you're an orphan. But what are you called when you're a parent who lost a child? 

He looks it up - there is no word for what he and Tony are now. Certainly not heroes - what kind of heroes can't even keep their own _kid_ safe? Husbands? Partners? They've been separated since the Accords blew up in their face. The only reason Steve is at the compound now is because neither of them can bear to be alone ~~and it feels like Peter. The walls hold echoes of his laughter, the couches hold his warmth, the workshop contains his exuberance. It _feels_ like Peter~~. 

There's a moment in the morning, as Tony stirs, just before he opens his eyes and the eighteen-wheeler of grief slams into him, that he's still a parent. Peter is just down the hall, snoring through his alarm after a long night of Spider-Man-ing. He's gonna wake up, kiss Steve good morning, make some breakfast for the three of them, and go about his life as a _parent_ , not that awful used-to-be that he is now - that they _both_ are now. 

Steve wakes up before dawn. And he watches Tony be a parent again, for just one moment.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sorry. Share my suffering. [I wrote an unedited version on Tumblr to go with a set of pictures](https://olivia-ivy.tumblr.com/post/174127074174/arivelour-husbands-steve-has-been-waking-up).
> 
> But hey, you've made it this far, maybe consider [enabling my coffee addiction?](http://ko-fi.com/oliviaivy)


End file.
